Angst/Joy

Might as well go with the angsty blog first. My feelings at the moment can sorta be summed up by this song:

Manage me, I'm a mess
Turn a page, I'm a book
Half unread
I wanna be laughed at
Laughed with, just because
I wanna feel weightless
And that should be enough
But I'm stuck in this fucking rut
Waiting on a second hand pick me up
And I'm over, getting older
If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over, getting old
                       -- 'Weightless', All Time Low

Seventeen is a really awkward age. I don't like it. I still think of myself as 15 most of the time, which is weird, because I've always been pretty mature for my age, I think. But I feel stuck between being a kid and an adult, and I really just want to go backwards. Up till now I've been excited about being an adult and moving out someday and stuff, but now I'm really scared. I feel like time is speeding up and my teenage years are going to be over before I get a chance to do anything more with them. I haven't had time for anything since I got back from England. And I'm glad I got to go to England, but I hate that I was thrust right into my babysitting job as soon as I got home. I still don't feel like I've settled back down at all because the summer has been so busy so far. I haven't written or drawn a thing for months and I don't know how to get back into it.

I'm also really scared that when summer is over, my boyfriend will go off to college [obviously I want him to go to college, but I'm feeling selfish right now.] and I'll never get to see him again.

Being depressed scares the shit out of me, especially because I've been generally happy for the last six months. I don't know what to do about it. :(

Another [not-so-important] issue I'm having right now is that I don't know what I want to write for NaNoWriMo. Which sounds ridiculous, as it's still 5 months away [practically next week, right?], but it matters because it affects what I want to write now. I had been planning on writing this one story [inspired by the song Inside the Fire by DISTURBED], but I suddenly got the idea to rewrite an old story that I never was able to finish. I was always planning on re-writing it anyway, but I got the idea to do it for NaNoWriMo. So I can't decide which one to do, which means I can't decide which one to write now, which means I can't write, which is what I want to be doing. So that's a problem.

And my laptop died. Again.
And my iPod won't update.
So I'm pretty pissed off and sad.


I'm sorry for all my complaining. I sound really pathetic. Which I am.

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Happy blog:

So I got all 4 seasons of Doctor Who on DVD. This is an amazing thing. I spent all of last week watching it [and got my two best friends totally hooked on it, and now we can't seem to talk about anything but Doctor Who] and got through season 1 and up to the Rise of the Cybermen episode of season 2. I'm on the last disk of season 2 now, which means shit is about to go DOWN. I've already seen the last couple of episodes, so I know what happens, and I was crying for hours after watching it the first time around, because I'm that pathetic. But yeah, anyway, it is saddening. Rose is incredibly whiny, and you can predict when she's about to do something retarded in every episode, but damnit, SHE IS AWESOME D: At least I have fanfiction, I guess...

Speaking of Doctor Who fanfiction, I got an idea for a fanfic after the scene in Fear Her where the Doctor says "I was a dad once." I was like, WHOA WAIT WHAT and then they never mentioned it again. So my idea was to write something involving his kid. Except I bet a bazillion of people have already done that, plus I don't know if he ever actually had a kid in the old series, seeing as I haven't watched it - if I did write it, it would be AU [alternate-universe] from the old series just so I wouldn't make some big mistake like that. So I don't know. Thoughts, opinions? I'm no good at fanfiction anyway, so who knows if it would happen.

It's kinda funny. I like Matt Smith [the new Doctor] a lot, even if he does look incredibly awkward, but when I first started watching Doctor Who, David Tennant was always my favorite Doctor. And then I watched season 1. And OHMYGOD I LOVE CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON. He was frackin' amazing. And I miss him. So I can't decide between him and David Tennant now. ANGST.

Um, yeah, I'm obsessing over Doctor Who because it is what's keeping me happy at the moment. XD